Day 21: Dog Has Cahones Removed, Hilarity Ensues

On Thursday Hops had (in the words of my father-in-law) his do-dads removed. The cone they gave him was too small, so Mike googled other alternatives.   See photo for details:

"If you can't duck it..."

Didn't expect that adage to apply to my dog.

Anyway, poor pup is totally restless and miserably uncomfortable because he has a towel duck-taped to his head and he can't enjoy his favorite past-time: licking his balls.

I too am uncomfortable and miserable due to a significant change in my life, so he and I and Mike (who is miserable by association) have been spending a considerable amount of time sitting on soft things and watching Netflix.

In case you were wondering what we've been up to these days.

New Year. New blog. New idea.

Happy New Year friends and readers!

So, this year was a doozey, huh? A little like a kick in the shin, right? Yeah. I feel you.

I don't know about you, but by December I feel like I'm living in a sea of my dirty laundry. I look around and I see a mess all the half-fulfilled promises made to myself in hasty champange-induced excitement. I see all the crap I mucked up and shoved under the bed to cohabitate with the dust bunnies and other forgotten aspirations. I see the stinking, worn out parts of me that are ready for a fresh start.

So fresh start it is!

I'm kicking my bad habits, folks, and because I love those habits sooo sooo sooo much, I'm going to write about how I handle ditching them for thirty days in an effort to bleach the laundry of my life.

Yes, folks, I'm going to:

1. Quit smoking.
You should know this is hard for me. Mainly because I think cigarettes are awesome. No really. I love them. They are the fruit of the gods. However, this happened:

I was driving around, doing errands, one afternoon, and I notice a girl in a green sedan a lane over. She's cute! Probably my age or a little younger. Great sunglasses. Nice hair. Adorable! I think to myself. Except that she's smoking a cigarette. God. How trashy, I think.

Then I look at my left hand.

Just call me Beth McHipocrite.

Additionally, I find the califlower-cigarette-butt-bloom my husband and I regularly create in the dish on our deck alarming. I also find it alarming that I purchased a ceramic chicken sugarbowl to use as an ashtray in an attempt to somehow mask/ignore/feel better about/class up my smoking habit.

However, it is funny when we put out a butt in the chicken butt. Ha.

2. Quit drinking.
I love drinking beer. I love it love it. Just ask the muffin that sits atop my pants. We both love beer. I love drinking beer almost as much as I love smoking cigarettes. You want to know what I love more than beer or cigarettes?

Beer AND cigarettes!

Which is why I am quitting both.

3. Start running again.
I used to run a lot. I "ran" a half marathon once (to best understand why "run" is in quotation marks, please click here). But in the last year, I have run none.

Wait! Not true! I made beer runs! I made 7-11 runs!

Not the same? Damn.

Well, I'm getting back on the bandwagon, and running three days a week.

Want to run the Monument 10k with me?

For the next thrity days, I'll periodically (no, not everyday) blog about how this is going. Its a lot to give up, a lot to get used to, and a lot to talk about.

I don't know what this blog will look like, because I think this blog-theme is a bit more personal. "Personal" doesn't have to mean "less funny" but it might mean "slightly different." I hope you'll stick around for the ride.

Wish me luck and pray for Mike, who must live with me during the next 30 days.